drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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