your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
