My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
