Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
