if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
