We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
