i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
