So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
