remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
