i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
