I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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