Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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