Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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