Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
