sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
