well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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