I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
