we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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