I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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