Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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