My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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