dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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