ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
