This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
