this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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