i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
