why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
