you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
