You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
