We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
