My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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