They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
