My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's get the cat blown out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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