obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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