Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
