whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Girls should come with a carfax report
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
