ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
