Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
