u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
