If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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