Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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