He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want nice things and good sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
