Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
