sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
