Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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