My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
