I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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