he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
