is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
