it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
