Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
