shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
